Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Old Memories

Today I found myself thinking a lot of a random person that I knew a long time ago. I caused hurt and pain and found his Facebook page. He's been ending his status's with "i'm so lonely." I know that I'm not causing his loneliness now, but it's just sad to see that here I've been married for three years, engaged a year before that, and dated my husband two 1/2 years before that. Here I've been happy and in love for at least 6 years straight and this guy's been bouncing back in forth between being lonely and doing whatever to himself to help fill it. I can't help but think I helped caused some of his situation. I want to DO something, but I know it probably would cause more harm than good...but in the event that he reads this and he knows who he is...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you and I didn't mean to make you so angry and lonely. The letter you had me write hurt me a million times over to write it to you and I've even been mad at you for making me write it. I kept a copy and I run across it after I forget that I haven't been able to throw it away. Maybe I'm the one hurting this whole time...I've been worried about him and I haven't stopped praying for him and for his forgiveness.

Not long after gentleman #1 up above was hurt, I had a guy friend who was in the ARMY in Afghanistan write a letter to me expressing his feelings and I too put him down. He's married with two beautiful kids, so I don't feel too bad...but it's just knowing that I had shot him down during a time in which he was vulnerable and risking his life so people like me and his family could enjoy our everyday lives was a weird experience. He and I are actually friends on Facebook, so I don't have to lurk around to actually find his status'...his wife is a lucky woman. I do not envy her every time she has to say "goodbye" to him though when he leaves for months at a time. Does that make me a bad person?? I just don't think I could handle two kids and no husband around to help...those who can handle it I commend them!

Anyways...I just needed to get this off my chest. More later.

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